Archive for February 6th, 2013

The Sixth.

Today (as well as in general) I am trying to figure out how to love well.  I am trying to think of how to balance out all of the relationships that I have with so many people.  When I was in college, it felt like it was so much easier to make time with the people that I cared about; mainly because they were all around me and we did so many things together as a crew.  Today, we have graduated and have taken different paths that have led us to different counties, cities, states, and continents/countries.

When I was first out of college, I was attempting to make it my mission to reach out to everyone that had had any impact on my college life.  I wanted to let them know that I hadn’t forgotten about our friendship and what it meant; that they still meant something to me and that I wanted to keep in touch with them because it was important.  I found myself constantly disappointed with the results because it became increasingly difficult to reach out to so many people and not get the response that I was hoping for.  A lot of friends didn’t really reach out to me as much as I had reached out to them, so I began to get discouraged about the whole attempt.  Part of me began turning inward and getting a little bit discouraged and bitter because they didn’t respond the way I wanted.  I was beginning to think that perhaps it was something that I had done during that time when I was in college with them.  Wouldn’t they have told me that something was wrong?  I just wanted re-live and remember some really great times…

I think during my attempts, Facebook wasn’t one of the biggest things out there yet, so I was still relying on snail mail, emails, phone calls, etc.  Either way, I wasn’t hearing back from people.   I kept going back and forth about whether or not I should continue reaching out, when I started to realize that it was draining me.  It was no longer a search to reconnect with people, it was this tireless mission that wasn’t yielding any real result.  I stopped, sought counsel, and asked some other friends that were close by to see if they had encountered something similar.  I wasn’t alone, it was increasingly difficult to try and manage past relationships as well as present and then entertain future ones.  Overall, most of my friends had the same thing to say, it’s a matter of picking out those relationships that you know you really want to commit to.  It’s not about trying to keep in touch with every person; it will never work.  Me being the people pleaser that I am, didn’t want to exclude anyone, however, I found myself excluding many because I would never hear back from them.  Those that I did hear back from, I would visit; spend time in their homes; some even had kids that I got to meet.  Others lived in different countries, however, I was able to email them, get updates from them and find out what I could pray for.

For those that didn’t reach out…that I sorta missed?  If I was friends with them on Facebook, but never really got a response, I would simply pray for them.  That was easy enough to do.  I missed the old times and would find it really easy to reminisce, however, everyone has something different to face in their current lives.  That’s not to say that they are trying to be mean, however, they are trying to balance life just as I am.  Sometimes I internalize so much and think it’s my fault, but that honestly….is a bit vain and selfish on my part.  I have been learning to put myself own dealings with life aside to think about what others could be going through.  When that has happened, it’s easier for me to see what may be going on in the world….outside of me.

As a result of all this, I have been able to keep in touch with the friends that really meant the most to me.  Facebook has been extraordinarily helpful at finding everyone whom I wanted to keep tabs on, however, the people from my past that I wanted to be in a deeper relationship with, I am, and I’m grateful that I sought counsel and prayed.  I think that as the Spirit and time allows, I can reach out to others to let them know that I have been praying and thinking about them, however, I know that it has been the Lord that has guided me on which people to love and reach out to.

About the loving well part?  I think we’ll save that for the seventh day….as well as a guest post from Sadie.

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