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Posts Tagged ‘pasts’

I have something saved up for tomorrow’s blog since tomorrow is some “special” day.  I don’t know what people are thinking about fancy dinners and chocolates for…Diehard 5 comes out tomorrow; I’ll be in the theater, thank you very much.

For today, I’m going to share about ex-boyfriends…..

Yipes.  This is a delicate topic.  I had dinner with a newer friend last night, and we were talking about our pasts and our present lives.  She thought me strange as I still spent a good amount of time around my ex-boyfriend, even though he is currently dating someone else.  She kept repeating the same phrase of “I don’t know how you do it.”  I guess I really didn’t think about it as much as I should have?  I mean, I do respect him enough that I keep my distance as he tries to figure out his dating life and relationships, however, we’ve never really condemned our friendship even though our dating relationship ended over four years ago.  I don’t find it unhealthy as I don’t try and sabotage his current dating relationships, I don’t wonder ‘what if’ when I spend time with him; I genuinely do enjoy his company, however, I just don’t feel that way about him.

At first, I was dating him because it made sense because we had had so much fun together just hanging out, however, after a weekend retreat with about uh, 25 girls all excited about who I was dating, it became abundantly clear after just three questions that certain needs weren’t being met in terms of what I’m looking for in a mate.  I was blocking it all because (I know now) I was just wanting to be in a relationship.  THIS WAS UNFAIR TO HIM.  I didn’t feel the same way that he felt about me.  His feelings were growing for me, and I was denying what I was really looking for.  When I got home, we hung out, did lunch, and talked.  When I broke up with him the first time (I don’t have time for the fullness of THAT story) he understood.  The important part was that he was willing to move on with our friendship.  I think this is where it’s miraculous.  I think this is what makes it different is that he was willing to let the friendship remain.  And our friendship has grown so much in the last five years, I can’t imagine life without this friend.  We’ve made mistakes along the way, we had some really REALLY hard times together, but the fact that I can still call him my friend is truly a gift.

I guess now, I just take it for granted as so many wonder why I have such a great relationship with him.  He is kind, funny, happy, focused, and dedicated.  He is a provider, he is a protector, he is loving, and he is gentle.  Even after typing all of these things out, you may wonder why in the world I stopped our romantic relationship.  I did it because of the blog post from the second day of this journey.  Unrequited love is a pain that you needn’t go through in this life if you don’t have to….and you should never have to.  Also, I found it to be deceitful to spend time in that relationship if I didn’t feel the same way.  As I get older, it gets more difficult to see those in relationships with great people, however, I will never ascribe to the belief that it is better to be in a relationship with someone/anyone, than no relationship at all.  Those people, I think, have the most to lose; they lose themselves hoping that perhaps love will bloom within a relationship by forcing it to continue because they don’t want to be alone.  AND, if they let it continue and it translates into a marriage…I just can’t imagine that.  I really can’t.

Summarizing everything above?  I really don’t know.  I would say pray for your friendships and your romantic relationships.  I think I got lucky with my friend, however, the process I took of discussing ending the relationship with him, I considered it to be delicate surgery in separating two joined parts.  In terms of conversations, it was one of the longer ones of my life, however, I took great care in accepting the blame and letting him know how much he meant to me.  The other part to this equation is that, perhaps he was feeling the same way, too.  I’ll never know because I’ll never ask, but the Lord granted us both some peace and understanding in this area.  I don’t think it would have been as easy if I let the relationship drag on after the realization that it should have ended.  I think I just respected and loved his heart more than wanting us to work out and wanting a road for us that led to marriage.

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