Posts Tagged ‘Prayer’

Wow.  I feel like so much has happened all in one day.  I am so very thankful for this amazing group of women that I have been able to call friends.  They have shared some things that are very close to their hearts, and have shared shortcomings that they wish to change with the help of the Father.  It’s so humbling and so very exciting to be able to take part in their weekend of refreshing by leading them in worship…IT’S SUCH A PRIVILEGE to be a part of their lives for just one weekend.  I am full of joy.

I’ve had a lot of moments to think about the love that blossoms from relationships, namely friendships.  I have come to value so many different relationships that I have in my life, I fear that sometimes I take them for granted, and sometimes do not give them the time, effort, and energy that they deserve.  For others, I feel like I may smother them and therefore suffocate.  The relationships that I long to smother and suffocate are the ones that are usually feeding me the most nourishment that my soul needs, however, sometimes I think that I have become a glutton with regard to how much I feed off of that relationship.  Does that make sense?  I overly long for/crave more and more of that relationship.

In my walk through scripture today, I came across Isaiah 30:15 (NIV) – “in repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.”

I also came across Job 13:15-16 (MSG) – “Because even if he killed me, I’d keep on hoping.  I’d defend my innocence to the very end.  Just wait, this is going to work out for the best—my salvation!”

Lastly, my life verses are Psalm 73:25-26 (NIV) – “Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

The first two verses seemingly have no relation to one another, however, for me, they speak volumes with regard to my walk as of late.  You see, I have been fighting to do more, to be more, to just be everything I want, in order to find peace of mind. No, I haven’t stomped on people’s dreams or said spiteful things, but I have stopped caring, really caring, about a person’s soul and how important it is to God.  I have not taken the time to remember how faithful the Lord is with our hearts; how wonderful He is in remembering the needs of His people.  I haven’t taken the time to really say ‘sorry’ to the Lord, to be quiet in Him; still (Psalm 46:10).  Because of this, I truly am weakened because I have not spent that needed time just listening and waiting.

When I really think about it, the second and third verses reference do go hand in hand in my eyes.  I really do realize that I have nothing else besides God and His love.  There is nothing else left, and there is no where else that I could go.  He is my hope and stay, and nothing can take me away from Him.

So why do I do things apart from Him?  Why have I been taking my own life and wasting it away, for lack of a better description?   I don’t have a really great answer, however, I get the feeling that it is wrapped up in being very impatient regarding God’s timing.  I crave an answer from Him, however, I want it a certain way; I want it in one amazing moment, an amazing sign, a beautiful tribute.  The problem is, that is a very ‘me’ mentality, and the Lord ain’t havin’ it.

I have been talking about loving well for about 20 days and how I strive for it, but I can’t even love and trust my God well enough to let that love from Him flow into me to flow out to others.  I am realizing that the problem I have begins with me and not with how to do it unto others.  I was sitting in one of the sessions, listening to my mentor, and just remembered some of the conversations from the first night.  I was so moved by these ladies sharing their hearts, praying over us, just being servants to Him.  I then realized that there was an amazing amount of trust going on…but it wasn’t necessarily them trusting me with hearing some of these sensitive topics, it was the trust that they had in the Father that allowed them the freedom to share.  I am always so fearful of sharing my life with others sometimes, that I miss the opportunities to love and befriend people.

I have a long way to go….and it’s time for me to close my eyes and sleep tonight, but yes, it’s that time of realization that faith and trust in the Father go such a long way in dealing with earthly relationships.

PSALM 146:3 – “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save.”

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Today is a day I am tapped out.  I normally have a topic that I really wish to share, however, this morning I am finding nothing of love that I wish to discuss.  Know that the rest of my entries this month may not always be like this, however, after taking the time to attend my small group last night and having them take the time to pray over me, there are other things on my heart and mind today.

I wish for everyone who reads this entry today to learn to trust a group of people with the struggles in your life.  If it can’t be a group, tell someone.  We all know that life isn’t a cakewalk, but we cannot go about thinking that other people can’t identify with our struggles.  As I learned yesterday while someone was praying over me…they knew EXACTLY the kind of pressure I was under and prayed to God on my behalf.  Allow people to know you, keep you accountable, and keep you ever striving to be more like Christ.  I guess in a way this post is about love.  🙂

Numbers 6:24-26

The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace.

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“Dreams, I have dreams. When I’m awake…when I’m asleep…” (Dreams, Brandi Carlile)

Yesterday, I went to church like I normally do on Wednesday night, watched the youth band do an excellent job with worship and heard a message that I actually took notes on. Rock on. It was after that enjoyable period that I had to tell the youth pastor that I did not feel led by God to go on the youth mission trip to Peru this summer. The pastor was disappointed as he really wanted to count me in with those that could help lead the team, however, I have found myself praying and praying about this particular trip for weeks now, and while I have been really excited about the trip in general, I haven’t felt led to go.

At around 4:00 a.m. on Thursday morning, I was dreaming.   This will be odd…but I was dreaming about Oprah Winfrey and one of her random television episodes where she recognized extraordinary talent.   But this wasn’t just some random concert, the people performing were all worship leaders who were sharing music that they had written that had become “staples” of contemporary worship in the church.  I seemed to have come in at the tail end of Matt Redman, however, I was just in time for the beginning of Tim Hughes’s song “God of Justice”.  Every time I hear this song, it instantly reminds me of missions work. Not only that, but I kept hearing and seeing the verses Mark 10:45 appear before my eyes.  It was all so startling, I could not remain in the dream, I was brought out of a dead sleep.

By about 5:49 a.m., I got up and grabbed my bible and have been reading, praying, and meditating over Mark 9 and 10 trying to decipher why I just had the dream I did. It has been pretty intense (thanks WLT), but at the same time, I think there is a meaning to this dream; more than just dream interpretation.

I am very confused about the dream that very night after I had talked to the youth pastor. What does it mean? Does it mean that I go back to the pastor and say that I saw in a dream that I should go because it was talking about serving (missions)? Or does it mean something else? Oprah (gag) was recognizing worship leaders! Honoring God by singing songs of praise to Him; that is my calling!! So, that is something else to think about. Man oh man…do I have some praying to do. I’ll keep you updated.

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This Is Currently Summarizing Me.


There’s distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know You’re always here
But the comfort of you near is what I long for….

When I can’t feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You maybe I’m made more Faithful.

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft Your name, let it roll around my tongue,
knowing You’re the only one who knows me
You know me….

When I can’t feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You maybe I’m made more…

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

When I can’t feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You maybe I’m made more
And as I wait for You, I am made more

He Knows Me.

He Knows Me.

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