Posts Tagged ‘respect’

I’m excited to type that I may be having a guest blogger join me! I’m very curious to find out what they decide to blog about, however, I will just be patient and wait!!

I hope that everyone took at least one thing that was positive from Valentine’s Day yesterday.  I know that I enjoyed myself, but was also glad that the day was over.  I had forgotten that some people refer to Valentine’s Day as ‘Singles Awareness Day’.  I still had to chuckle. It’s clever and at the same time just a little uh…bitter.

In addition to yesterday being Valentine’s Day, it also marked the live album release (‘We Belong to the Love’) date of the band that I work for, The Ragbirds.  The Ragbirds have been a local band performing live since 2005.  Their roots, at least to me, have been in Michigan, even though I know that the lead singer, multi-instrumentalist, and songwriter, Erin Zindle-Moore, is originally from New York.  Their music is at times difficult to describe, however, most have put them in the category of folk and world music.  Erin has written songs that have that Zydeco style, celtic style, country/bluegrass style, as well as acoustic style.  She is a versatile person, and I believe that she is someone who loves very well.

Erin and I met well over 12 years ago now when she was in another band.  She stood out as a very compassionate and loving person.  She definitely had a story, and I never thought I would be someone that would hear quite a bit of it.  I won’t go into detail about it as it is not my main intent for this post.  What I will share is that I believe she loves well, because of her whole heart being focused on a goal.  Like an imperfect person, we get distracted, we are discontented with the way we go after a goal at times, however, Erin is someone that is determined to love.  She has a great passion for the planet and its well being, she is loyal to her family and her friends, and she manages to balance all of this songwriting, touring, and planning while still being married to the love of her life, Randall.  I was recently reminded of Erin and Randall when I saw a picture this morning on the Facebook page of a project called Humans of Ann Arbor.  They asked Erin and Randall if they would like to do a quick interview for Valentine’s Day.  You can look at the picture and read the responses here.

Last summer, Erin and I went out to dinner and just did a straight forward talk about love and relationships.  I was moved by our conversation and challenged to look at love in a very practical and helpful way.  I guess in a sense I was looking at love in an isolated way.  I just looked at love as something that existed between families, friends, and marriages.  The thing with love is that if it is in you, it permeates, it should be spreading and covering over everything that you come across.  Whether you know the person working next to you or walking next to you, as a person, a human being on this earth, there should be love and compassion there.  It was definitely a different concept for me.

Now for a shameless plug as the band’s publicist.  Tonight, (if you live in southeastern Michigan or kind of close by) Erin and the band will be sharing many songs about love, joy, loss, learning, and happiness tonight in Ferndale at ‘The Magic Bag‘.  I support and work for this band because I think they are an awesome group of people that support one another and do what’s right. Erin truly writes from her heart about the experiences in this life, her life lessons, as well as those learned by others.  She truly does have a joy and excitement about her and is passionate about the music that she performs, the songs that she creates, and enjoys the company of friendly people…who doesn’t??  Their music is definitely something you can dance to and feel.  I’ve been holding onto their live album for over a month and seriously enjoy every single track; it’s good stuff and I’m glad it was finally released yesterday.  It’s good for you.

It’s always a lovely thing when you have people around you that love like you, that love differently from you, but also take the time to share about what matters to them.  I think it’s all a part of loving well and respecting those around you.  Love and respect and an appreciation for the balance of the earth are really important things.  Come out and see us tonight.  I’ll be the one dancing and singing along…oh wait, that just described 99.9% of the people.  Oh well, come find me and say hello. Let’s dance.

We Belong to the Love (Ferndale!)

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I have something saved up for tomorrow’s blog since tomorrow is some “special” day.  I don’t know what people are thinking about fancy dinners and chocolates for…Diehard 5 comes out tomorrow; I’ll be in the theater, thank you very much.

For today, I’m going to share about ex-boyfriends…..

Yipes.  This is a delicate topic.  I had dinner with a newer friend last night, and we were talking about our pasts and our present lives.  She thought me strange as I still spent a good amount of time around my ex-boyfriend, even though he is currently dating someone else.  She kept repeating the same phrase of “I don’t know how you do it.”  I guess I really didn’t think about it as much as I should have?  I mean, I do respect him enough that I keep my distance as he tries to figure out his dating life and relationships, however, we’ve never really condemned our friendship even though our dating relationship ended over four years ago.  I don’t find it unhealthy as I don’t try and sabotage his current dating relationships, I don’t wonder ‘what if’ when I spend time with him; I genuinely do enjoy his company, however, I just don’t feel that way about him.

At first, I was dating him because it made sense because we had had so much fun together just hanging out, however, after a weekend retreat with about uh, 25 girls all excited about who I was dating, it became abundantly clear after just three questions that certain needs weren’t being met in terms of what I’m looking for in a mate.  I was blocking it all because (I know now) I was just wanting to be in a relationship.  THIS WAS UNFAIR TO HIM.  I didn’t feel the same way that he felt about me.  His feelings were growing for me, and I was denying what I was really looking for.  When I got home, we hung out, did lunch, and talked.  When I broke up with him the first time (I don’t have time for the fullness of THAT story) he understood.  The important part was that he was willing to move on with our friendship.  I think this is where it’s miraculous.  I think this is what makes it different is that he was willing to let the friendship remain.  And our friendship has grown so much in the last five years, I can’t imagine life without this friend.  We’ve made mistakes along the way, we had some really REALLY hard times together, but the fact that I can still call him my friend is truly a gift.

I guess now, I just take it for granted as so many wonder why I have such a great relationship with him.  He is kind, funny, happy, focused, and dedicated.  He is a provider, he is a protector, he is loving, and he is gentle.  Even after typing all of these things out, you may wonder why in the world I stopped our romantic relationship.  I did it because of the blog post from the second day of this journey.  Unrequited love is a pain that you needn’t go through in this life if you don’t have to….and you should never have to.  Also, I found it to be deceitful to spend time in that relationship if I didn’t feel the same way.  As I get older, it gets more difficult to see those in relationships with great people, however, I will never ascribe to the belief that it is better to be in a relationship with someone/anyone, than no relationship at all.  Those people, I think, have the most to lose; they lose themselves hoping that perhaps love will bloom within a relationship by forcing it to continue because they don’t want to be alone.  AND, if they let it continue and it translates into a marriage…I just can’t imagine that.  I really can’t.

Summarizing everything above?  I really don’t know.  I would say pray for your friendships and your romantic relationships.  I think I got lucky with my friend, however, the process I took of discussing ending the relationship with him, I considered it to be delicate surgery in separating two joined parts.  In terms of conversations, it was one of the longer ones of my life, however, I took great care in accepting the blame and letting him know how much he meant to me.  The other part to this equation is that, perhaps he was feeling the same way, too.  I’ll never know because I’ll never ask, but the Lord granted us both some peace and understanding in this area.  I don’t think it would have been as easy if I let the relationship drag on after the realization that it should have ended.  I think I just respected and loved his heart more than wanting us to work out and wanting a road for us that led to marriage.

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